I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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