It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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