There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
