She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
