i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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