You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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