the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
