he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
