Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
