Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
