Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
