does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
