Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
