I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
