trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
