Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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