some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
