I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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