your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
