He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
