Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
