I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
