i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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