it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
