Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
