in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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