is your mom at the bar?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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