it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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