Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
