He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
