please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i think i just lost a toe
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