she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
