I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
