so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
