Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Quick, to the slutcave!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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