I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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