Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
