All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
