3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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