You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
