Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
