please come you make the beer taste better
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
