He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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