why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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