I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
