I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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