so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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