I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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