i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
