I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
